I’ve been thinking about hidden stories, the stories that shape each of us that we don’t always share. We all have personal stories, professional stories, stories that transformed us, stories that profoundly changed us.
My own hidden stories are something I’ve been thinking about lately, and I’ve been reflecting a lot on them after presenting at the NWMC in October. It was a relatively small conference but the energy was buzzing. My session room was small and the audience was no more than fifteen that morning. But I left my session feeling proud, inspired, reenergized. These feelings made me want to pause to think about why this seemingly small moment held so much weight for me, so I thought I would pause to think more about it. What I’ve put together is that it’s not just about that moment – but all the moments and experiences that led up to me in front of that room, presenting at that conference.
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Olivia, you are TWO! I love you so much my baby girl. You are so bright and clever. You are a dream chaser, an adventurer. I look at you often and am inspired by all that you are. Even at just two years old, you already possess some of the qualities that took me decades to learn myself. :) I can't wait to watch you continue to grow and to learn more about the beautiful person you are inside and out. Here are some anecdotes about you, Olivia.
It is so easy in motherhood to be excited for some stages and phases all the while eagerly awaiting for a couple of them to be over. Now 20 months, I am LOVING that she can string together multiple words, and really seems to understand everything we say. I love her voicing her needs and wants with us successfully. (I am not so much loving how quickly she can bolt away when out on adventures, and that she no longer loves the stroller as much as she did as a baby.)
The most amazing thing, however, is her awareness of me as her mama. That is a powerful feeling. At bedtime, we started a new laughing routine. I ask her if she wants kisses and she so boldly pronounces, "Yea!" I give her kisses that tickle on her neck and she roars in laughter. I ask her if she wants more. She says, "Yea!" This goes on and on. What I witness in those moments is utter joy, utter love at being together - fully present. Bedtime is one of my favorite bonding times with her. We snuggle sometimes for nearly an hour. She doesn't always fall asleep in the rocking chair. When I put her down in the crib, I remind her that I will see her tomorrow and we will play together. We just finished our second tap dance class and now she ends the evening reminding me how we "tap tap tap" together. How peacefully she goes into her crib, trusting that I will be there tomorrow when she wakes makes my heart so content. As she gets closer to being two, it suddenly REALLY feels like the baby years are coming to an end. There's a sadness with that. I find myself quite literally staring at other babies and mothers in adoration, and seeing them brings back every sweet memory of my babies when they were young. (Isn't it quite wild how our brains can just forget those harder moments?) But in another way, knowing that we are preparing for a different season as parents makes me so very present and appreciative of our current season. We laugh off the trickier moments a little better. We are more patient and grateful with Olivia for each moment - even the hard ones. Seeing the differences in both of the kids is incredible. Joseph is the life of the party. He thrives off of social interactions. He likes structure and rules - and he will call you out if you are inconsistent. Olivia can be social but she loves her solo time as well. She processes a lot on her own. She is chill and goes with the flow - unless you really push her. She is also wildly brave. While we barely needed baby proofing for Joseph, we probably should baby proof more for her. Take your eyes off of her for a second and she's balancing on a table, and moving a chair to get up to the counter. She is confident in what she can do, and wants to test out her confidence! Encouraging her boldness and bravery all the while keeping her safe is definitely something we are constantly striving for. I see myself noticing when Olivia demonstrates traits that I was messaged (from adults, society, etc.) to suppress or show more of. I was taught that to be a girl I had to show more grace, more femininity, more for the service of others. I needed to show less boldness, less strength, less about myself. I find myself watching her in admiration. When your kids are 20 months old, they are fiercely themselves. I love it. I want to encourage her to be fully herself. To be adventurous, strong, and steadfast in who she is. The work of a parent is to be their cheerleader and help them strengthen their sense of self - through all their stages and phases. I don't have any false assumptions that it will be easy but I am here for it. My dear daughter,
I can’t believe you are almost one. This year has flown by. The last month, especially, I have found myself wondering when you started to look more like a toddler than a baby. When I hold you in my arms for nursing or sleeping, your legs curl up around my body. When I reach my hand down to hold yours as you walk beside me, I no longer have to crouch. I find myself so in awe of you — your growth, your strength, your joy, your curiosity, your sweetness. If you’re wondering what life this first year was like for you, let me tell you. You wake up around 6 AM. I pick you up and bring you to my room. It’s the quietest time in the morning, and this time is just for us two. I lay you down next to me, put your cute little legs on mine, put a blanket over both of us and you nurse. We look at each other. It’s so peaceful. Sometimes this only lasts a few minutes before brother wakes up and sometimes we can squeeze 30 minutes together uninterrupted. If brother comes in, the first person he greets is his baby sister. “Bebo!” he calls out. He likes to squish your legs and cheeks. You squeal at the sound of his voice. I love watching you two. Next comes breakfast. This is a very hectic time for mama. Mama is making her coffee, your breakfast and also watching the two of you play. You are so adventurous as you wander around the house. You love to climb brother’s learning tower, his play chair, and pretty much anything you can. When we settle down for breakfast, you usually enjoy eating, and it is quite fun to eat with the two of you. But let me tell you, you are messy! While you do love eating, you seem to also enjoy food being thrown on the floor or on top of your head. It’s quite an ordeal cleaning up after your meals. :) When ngoai wakes up, she is so eager to see you and brother. This is when mommy goes upstairs to work. While I work, you play with ngoai and brother. Sometimes, I hear the three of you laugh so loud and it makes my heart so happy. You love throwing balls with them, watching them balance things on their heads, and kissing animals in books they read to you. I love that I get to come see you throughout the work day. I nurse you before your two naps. When you come in for nursing, you start to smile and laugh. I like to think you’re happy to see me, and can’t contain your excitement. I love talking to you while you nurse. You’re so good at centering me and helping me to remember what is important. You also love naps with ngoai. You’re such a good napper in your crib (thank you!). Sometimes, though, ngoai loves to snuggle with you so much she sleeps with you in the rocking chair. We remember that you’re our second and last baby, so we’re soaking in the time with you as much as possible. After your first nap, we have lunch. Daddy comes home for lunch, and sweetie, you are so happy when you see him. And if brother is at school that day, he comes home after lunch to play with you. When mom and dad are finally done with work, we play with you and Joseph, prepare dinner, go for an evening walk and have dinner together. You enjoy our stroller walks, putting your feet up on the handlebar like the queen you are. You wave at trees and have lately started to look for birds, like dad. Like I said, you get very messy with meals, so you’re almost taking a bath daily. And those times are so fun. Daddy, Joseph and Olivia all go in the bath together! I bet one day, the idea that the three of you could fit in a tub at the same time will be hilarious to imagine. You love your bath time quite a lot, especially splashing and trying to take brother’s toys. When it’s 6:45 PM or so, you say goodnight to the family and we go upstairs. We end the day the same way we start them. It’s you and me. It’s quiet again. Now, we’re in your room, cuddled up in a rocking chair, nursing and reflecting on the day. You usually nurse for a while. And then suddenly you’ll laugh and smile. You’ll try to take my glasses — and you’re honestly really good at getting them! If you get my glasses, mom counts to three and gives you tickles. You know this routine well — you start laughing the moment I start counting. Your laugh is sweet and unrestrained. It’s not boisterous the way brother’s is — there’s a gentleness to it. But it’s contagious. That’s why I tickle you so many times. And even though I should be settling you down for sleeping, I can’t help but keep making you laugh. Eventually we settle down, hold hands, sing songs and you sleep. They say not to let you sleep in my arms but I don’t care. I love holding you. Sometimes we just lay there for a good hour or more. I get to kiss your forehead and watch you dream. And then I put you in your crib to sleep. It’s been such a special year with you, Olivia. You are a bright, bright light in our world. I knew even before you arrived that you would be adored by your brother — and that could not be more true. And when you say dada, mama and baba, you make us all melt. We are in awe of how much you love adventuring with us — you’re the perfect person to round out our family. As I write this, we’re in Surfside Beach vacationing with your grandparents and celebrating Aunt Katelyn’s wedding. You’re definitely a well-traveled one-year old. Thanks for joining this goofy family, and putting up with our shenanigans. We love you, my best girl, my wonderful and amazing daughter. Favorite foods: Apples, noodles, rice, oatmeal, zucchini, sweet potatoes Words: dada, mama, baba (brother?) Favorite activities: Kissing animals/babies in books, balancing on things and walking everywhere, climbing things, chewing on things, going for walks in stroller, eating, playing with brother, putting shoes/headbands on Newly learned skills: Kissing, sticking your tongue out, high fives, blowing raspberry kisses Love, Mama |